Hogwarts: The Musical
by PurplePrincess360
Summary: Have you ever wondered what life would be like at Hogwarts if it were a musical. No! well I have so i've decided to use some of the latest and not so latest songs to comprise of this story.


**A/N**: Hello ppl's this is my second attempt at a story and hopefully it'll go better than the first one and don't worry if u don't like it oh well … this is just for my own amusement.

**Disclaimer**: insert sarcastic voice I'm JK and soon all D/Hr shippers' wishes shall come true and all u ppl were jus hallucinating when u read that Dumbledore was dead. non-sarcastic voice I only own Cameron.

**Chapter 1 – The First One Without A Song**

"Hmm, I wonder if Harry and Ron are on the train yet." Hermione thought aloud to herself. "I really need to tell them I got head girl, I wonder whose head boy."

"Hermione, over here," Ron said carrying his luggage and other stuff with him.

"Hmm, well that answers that," Hermione said once again to herself.

"That answers what?" Harry said behind her.

"Oh, nothing Harry I was just talking to myself again," Hermione replied cheerfully.

"I'm telling you Hermione, one of these days your talking to yourself is either going to get you into some serious trouble or the loony bin," Ginny said pooping out of nowhere.

"Gin! Where'd you come from?" Hermione asked a little surprised.

"Umm, well let's see, one night mum and dad…," Ginny started.

"Stop!" Hermione, Harry and Ron said simultaneously, which, for those who don't know, means at the same time.

"What, u asked," Ginny said shrugging her shoulders. "Oh my gosh look over there."

"Why?" Ron, Hermione and Harry asked in unison, which means at the same time, much like simultaneously.

"Because Malfoy looks sexy," she stated simply.

"Oh, Gin come on," Hermione said repulsed.

"What! Ginerva Weasley! Who gave you permission to look on boys!" Ron said outraged.

"What do you want me to do? Turn into a lesbian?" Ginny asked kindly. "Besides Malfoy is hot."

"OK, you march your arse onto the train, right this instant," Ron fumed

"Yes mother," Ginny said sarcastically not moving an inch.

"Oh guys guess what, I made head girl," Hermione said, not wanting Ginny and Ron to be fighting now.

"Well that's expected," Ron said, completely forgetting that he was fightin with his sister. Attention span of a cork screw that one.

"We knew you'd get it," Harry said.

"We were just wondering when you were finally going to burst and tell us," Ginny said

"All Aboard!" shouted the train guy; I've always wondered how he looks.

"Well, let's board bitches," Hermione said a bit too cheerfully. "Oh, and thanks for the encouragement."

"Hermione, have you been sniffing some floo powder?" Harry asked seriously, following the rest onto the train.

"No, not that I can recall," she replied.

"You sure, you seem a little too cheerful," Harry said.

"Why not be cheerful, Old Voldywart's dead, still don't know how since last time I checked the sixth book he was alive, but that's not the point. Voldywart's dead, we're all hot because they made us that way and we're going back to the one place that we all truly feel happy and Dumbledore's not dead," Hermione said.

"What do you mean Dumbledore's not dead and Voldie's alive? Are you sure you're okay?" Ron asked.

"Just wait until you reach Hogwarts, you'll see," Hermione said positively.

"Alrighty then," Ginny said.

Just, oh so conveniently then, guess who happens to open their compartment door. If you guessed Malfoy then you're absolutely positively … wrong.

Harry looked up, blushed, and then said, "Hi Cameron."

"Hey Harry," Cameron said coming in and sat down.

Now you are all probably wondering who Cameron is well that will be explained shortly.

"So, Cam is Blaise still being a jerk about you hanging out with us?" Ginny asked.

"Why should I give a fuck, they might've forgotten to mention in the sixth book that I was there and he's my brother, but he's definitely not the ruler of moi," She replied.

See I told you It would be explained soon.

"I still don't understand how you could've gotten into Slytherin," Ron said.

"Oh, it's all the writers fault, blame them not the hat," Cam said.

"Really Cameron, if your going to hang out with Gryffindors, at least hang out with someone who has class, not this riffraff," Blaise said from the doorway.

"Hey we are not riffraff," Ron said very intelligently cough cough.

"Right Weasel and I'm a rich pureblood, oh wait I am," Malfoy said and burst out laughing with Blaise.

"Draco, darling, why bother with her, I mean look at who she talks to, you can do so much better," Pansy said behind them. Hermione saw her and noticed she had on next to nothing; her skirt was so short that it looked like a belt, and her top was …

"My gosh Pansy, put some clothes on and stop whoring out yourself to anybody who'll pay," Hermione said.

"We already know you've slept with about three quarters of the school, including girls and teachers," Ginny said rather smartly.

"That's … ummm ... Draco … oh ... fuck you!" Pansy stumbled.

"No thanks, we're straight," Ginny said referring to Hermione and herself.

"Are you gonna let them talk to me like that?" Pansy asked Blaise and Draco infuriated.

"Well this was interesting," Blaise said smirking.

"Oh well time to go, Granger it is my displeasure to inform you that we need to go to our compartment," Malfoy said not too happily, but smirking all the same.

"Wait, what do you mean _our_ compartment?" Hermione asked curiously.

"And they say she's smart," Blaise said, making Malfoy and Pansy snigger.

"I mean we are heads, and heads get their own compartment," Malfoy explained slowly, making hand gestures.

"Wait, your head boy?" Cameron said.

"Boy, slow lot this is," Blaise said, smirking.

"Are you shitting us?" Ginny asked very bluntly.

"We shit you not, Weaselette," Malfoy said showing them the head boy badge. "Now can we go before I die?"

"Fine, fine," Hermione said. Then waved and said bye to everyone.

"Hermione, please take note about what I said earlier," Ginny said winking.

At that, Ron suddenly remembered about their argument before.

"Listen here Ginny---,"

"I'll just shut the door," Hermione said shutting the compartment door.

"Calm down, it's not like your going to witness them dying," Malfoy said rolling his eyes. He turned and said bye to Blaise and Pansy.

"Oh Pansy you really should take my advice and think about wearing some actual clothes instead of pieces of cloth," Hermione said then followed Draco. Pansy just flipped her off and turned around.

"Hmm never thought you'd have the gall to say that to someone," Malfoy said.

"Well you never really got to know me, now did you?" she replied and walked off.

When they both reached the compartment and went through the doors they got a tingly feeling and just as soon as it had come it went. Then they just sat down there doing nothing at all. Hermione never even read a book, and Malfoy never even tried to insult her.

The only time they even spoke to each other was when they almost reached Hogwarts and it was time to change.

"Oh hell, the bathroom's too far, oh well," Hermione said getting up and unbuttoning her blouse.

"What are you doing?" Malfoy asked as Hermione finished unbuttoning her shirt.

"Changing here, surely you don't have a problem with it since you are the 'Sex God' of Hogwarts," Hermione said, still taking her clothes off.

"Umm … no … it's just that … umm … oh dear," Malfoy stumbled looking at Hermione. For the first time Draco Malfoy was out of words to say.

"Ha, this is funny, I have to tell Ginny this one," Hermione said to herself.

"Excuse me," Malfoy said rushing out of the compartment.

"Hmm this reminds me of a book I once read," Hermione said. Well obviously that doesn't narrow it down since Hermione has read more books that anyone will probably ever read in a lifetime.

A few minutes later, after Hermione had been fully dressed, Malfoy came back in his school robes.

"What? Not brave enough to show you skin and bones?" Hermione asked daringly.

"I assure you, Granger, I am as far away from skin and bones as you are?" Malfoy said coolly.

"So what are you calling me fat?" Hermione asked not very happily.

"No I just said I wasn't skinny," Malfoy said.

"I'll believe that when I see it for myself," Hermione said to herself.

"Oh sure why not," Malfoy said, and he took off his shirt.

"Umm … well .. ooh ...," Hermione said, well those aren't really words so she mumbled them or something. "Well Malfoy, I have to say I was wrong as a matter of fact your body is rather sexy."

"Well thank – wait, what?" Malfoy said slightly confused but still having that oh so sexy smirk on his face.

"Now who's the dumb one, I said you look sexy," Hermione said very clearly.

"You're acting very, very strange Granger," Malfoy said.

"I'm acting strange, ha funny," Hermione said laughing. "What about you Malfoy I haven't heard one witty comeback from you, or anything witty at all for that matter. Losing your touch?"

"I have not lost my touch," Draco said rather defensively.

"Uh-huh well the train's about to stop and I suggest to you, you put your shirt back on," Hermione said. "Unless of course you want to get mobbed by a bunch of horny seventeen year olds."

Draco, blushing, put back on is shirt and watched Hermione left.

As Hermione walked through the compartment doors she felt that tingly feeling come and leave again which she thought was very odd. Oh well, she shrugged it out and didn't wait for Malfoy, just went to look for her friends.

"Oh ma gosh Ginny," Hermione said once she saw her. "You'll never believe what just happened."

"What could've happened between that short period of time," Ginny asked.

"It wasn't short," Hermione responded.

"Well in the eyes of the readers it is," Ginny explained.

"Oh, ok well anyway, I don't know what came over me but I was changing in front of Malfoy," Hermione said as she and Ginny got into a carriage.

"You what!" Ginny exclaimed.

"I know, but that's not the weird part," Hermione continued. "After I started changing he got all flustered and ran out and then when he came back I complimented him on his body and told him it was sexy."

Ginny was left speechless. This was a very odd thing for Hermione Jane Granger, bookworm extraordinaire, smartest and shyest girl at Hogwarts, to do.

"My gosh Hermione I think someone's got the hots for a certain Slytherin," Ginny said after a while.

"What!" Hermione said. But before she could question Ginny on her motives, the carriage had stopped and Ginny had hopped out, even though there was a significant amount of time to question her but we all like a little suspense now don't we.

Everyone just walked up to the hall chatting animatedly about the newest and Panic! at the Fall Out. What a weird name, don't you think?

Once everyone had entered the great hall and found their seats the sorting began rather quickly and ended even quicker.

"That was the quickest sorting ever, mate," Ron so blatantly points out.

"I wonder if I'm the only one who notices that JK isn't writing this?" Ginny asked.

"Now students, as you have been mislead to believe I in fact am not dead it was in fact

Voldemort who died, he had taken some polyjuice potion and well let Snape kill him, very funny indeed," Dumbledore said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"See I told you," Hermione said matter of factly.

"Aww shit, how much do we owe you?" Harry asked.

"We'll talk about that later," Hermione said. "Just enjoy your food."

"Okay," Harry & Ron said in unison.

So they ate, talked, laughed and drank until they could eat, talk, laugh and drink no more.

"Oh I forgot to mention your new Head Boy and Girl Mr. Draco Malfoy and Ms. Hermione Granger," Dumbledore stood up and said.

There was a great round of applause.

"Now if you'll both follow me I shall show you to your dorm," Dumbledore said curtly.

"Oh fine whatever, I'm not going to be all melodramatic like she is in 5 … 4… 3… 2…1!" Draco said.

"What! We have to share a dorm!" Hermione exclaimed rather loudly.

"I told you," Draco said, smirking to Dumbledore.

"Why yes, you do," Dumbledore replied with a twinkle in his eyes, completely ignoring what Draco had said.

"But … but …," Hermione stuttered.

"I do think mine has been looking rather large lately," Dumbledore said to himself.

"And they call him a great wizard," Malfoy said to himself. "If you asked me I think he's a right kook."

"So this is your new dormitory," Dumbledore said after a few minutes of walking and stopping at a picture of well I'm not sure what it is but there's a password.

"And your password is … well you guys can think of that one," Dumbledore said. "I'm off to twinkle my eyes and do things that defy laws because I am Dumbledore."

"In the words of Ron 'mental that one'," Hermione said.

"Let's just get this over with I have to sleep until the writer writes her next chapter which I'm sure won't be for now," Draco said yawning.

"So what should our password be," Hermione said to herself.

"How 'bout DG360," Draco suggested.

"Umm … ok. Why not?" Hermione said slightly worried that Draco might be catching the funniness.

"Alright, so our password is DG360," Draco said and with that the door opened.

"Let it begin," said Draco and Hermione at the same time as they stepped into the common room and felt something tingly at the same time.

**A/N:** So what did you think? Good? Bad? Fantastic? Horrible? Let Me Know.


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